“It’s Time“

January 12, 2022

Below zero. The days after Epiphany feel a bit like the ‘polar’ opposite of Epiphany.

Literally.

Or maybe, they feel like the ultimate Epiphany? Depending upon the particular day, I could label these past few days in either direction. A dear family member needed hospitalization, stating in a phone conversation, “Steph, it’s time.” Lives flipped into emergency mode.

Within a week – due to the wonders of medical science – lives transitioned again, this time into a ‘new normal’.

Contractors returned to the Matthias Building. They too said, “It’s time.” Such a major step in the renovation of the building came as a surprise. After planning the project last fall, health concerns changed my contractor’s work schedule. The pandemic rippled through their lives. Late December, they called. “We have an idea!”

I would never have imagined that among the coldest days, the renovation would leap forward.

“It’s time.” My head maneuvered into denial mode. “No, no, these happenings cannot happen together. Why on earth would all of this happen at once? Why”

(I am a big lover of “why?” questions).

My soul had felt it for weeks. “Don’t wait.” And the universe did not.

Among the events of January, these first few days of subzero temperatures became rather meaningless. We all expect it. Wisconsin weather normally deals up stretches of days in which the high daily temperature never climbs above zero.

But 2022 didn’t start that way. Only the nights do the temperatures plummet. Not so bad, could definitely be worse. Growing up, I always heard the saying that a green winter made for a full graveyard. It is one of many maudlin recipes of wisdom shared through generations of the Polish side of the family. Maybe it was only meant as a cagey way of stifling complaints of bitter cold weather.

With COVID, I often think of those old bits of wisdom. A person searches for some sort of guidance as procedures and medical care swarm. The impact of COVID upon hospitals weighs into every medical decision from emergency and triage to regular care. It has to.

I can reflect now. A week later, both the patient and the rest of the family are on the road to recovery. The impact though, of COVID, has startled me out of preconceptions. At least I hope it has. That time has come for so many parts of my life.

The subzero temperatures, family member health crisis and a huge leap forward on the building renovation would be enough but life is true to form in that the universe presents to a person what is meant to present.

The manner in which we manage is the key. The building progress was a dream come true. I am speechless with wonder.

The health crisis caused activity and change even outside the realm of medicine. As a manager, I notice my personal tendencies or behaviors which impact effectiveness. I want to evolve in all aspects of my life. I want to challenge my comfort zones.

I want to learn and grow.

In the area of personality and behavior, I am glad I am patient. I am consistent. But so many life lessons and experiences pounded those qualities into expression.

I am not so glad that I tend to hesitate. I decide, I act but I also hesitate to think. In most circumstances I believe I need to build my confidence. I have been working to improve this part, but I was floundering a bit.

But the more I was around family members, the more I felt the inclination to hesitate. Now, there is hesitation which is respectful but there is hesitation which is not. I knew the difference. But what I felt was a developmental flaw of not being able to discern the difference.

I was stunned. I was exhausted at the revelation. So much so was I flabbergasted that I could not hardly speak when I was running errands. I could not gather my thoughts. I quickly apologized to the clerk who replied in the kindest of smiles.

I still do not know how I will grow through that unnecessary hesitation of confidence, but I do know these past few weeks were the beginning steps. I now know. And I practice in snippets of moments.

I deliberately and awkwardly engage those moments ahead of my confidence.

Indeed, it is time.

Lots of love. Embrace your Epiphanies!

~Stephanie