Mondays are my creative day off. In the hope of organization, scheduling and optimum time management, I decided to rest those creative urges, pausing one day without the pressure to create.
Of course, my human mind like anyones works contrary to intentions. Here it is Monday and I’m all fired up. My head writes any moment that I’m not interacting with the world. I cannot stop!
What does one do? Expend energy to stop myself from writing in my head or just give-in? Write, already, Steph. Get it out!
I don’t mean to keep mentioning my birthday, but in the days surrounding it, I have felt change within myself. And it’s not the comfortable “ look now I’m a butterfly” type evolution. I feel more like my guts have exploded along the path of life. Now I return to that path to pick up the salvageable pieces.
Hmm. (Pause here, Ms. Drama).
But I’m fine. Super fine, actually. But I remember this feeling from years ago. As I stated earlier, it’s not the “chrysalis to butterfly” revolution. It is the “I didn’t get the promotion” change or the pitiful “I am feeling like a failure”. Rejections hit hard, then they do not. What puzzles me most is the impact of external forces upon my own modus operandi. (Doggone it, I still love Latin.)
I am fifty-seven years old. I am a living, breathing, healthy female who sometimes might be fairly smart. Of course that also means that sometimes I am not. And by smart, I truly mean or hope to mean ‘wise’. Therefore, when I realize external happenings are impacting me heavier than normal, I start to ponder just how wise I really am.
Hmm. I believe that these realizations are accurately termed ‘live and learns’. And times when changes push a person into a sea of evolution, beyond the visible shoreline of certitude, navigation has to also change. What once was is no longer.
Sometimes that might mean a person creates on the day of week which had been originally scheduled to rest. Maybe the idea of resting became the seeded rest which fostered creative growth.
The goal all along has been to grow creatively with passion, intellect and fun. That would be satisfying success?!
I feel a bit guilty of my enjoyment of the hottest days of Wisconsin summers. It’s Monday, my day off. I lounge in summer pajamas longer than I usually would otherwise. I drink water, sip coffee, write, and throw in laundry.
By mid afternoon, I still putter around the house in pajamas. To cap off my Monday, I uncover the lounge chairs in the backyard. I spread out blankets then lay back, sinking among my home in the trees.
Days later, in the midst of the sea of changes, I decided to decide. First, I decided to keep small promises I had made to myself. At the pinnacle of those promises was the vow I made to take action with my health.
Yep, I had a mountain of promises to review and a sea of changes to navigate. I had ‘smart girl’ worries to soothe.
But I think, finally, I decided to wait on the mountain and drift in the sea.
My bicycle was waiting for me in the back of the garden shed. Its tires seemed inflated enough. I wheeled it to the top of the driveway. I stepped with my left foot on the pedal as I pushed off the ground with my right. I wondered if I could as I swung my leg over the seat.
The changes and promises and decisions would need to wait. I had a bike to ride!
Grab your bike. Go for that ride. Sit outside in your pajamas.
Lots of love – Stephanie